Not giving up!

So I tried to go into work today after being off 2 weeks, and they sent me home after an hour. I am going back tomorrow with my crutches! 

http://ipasgiveaway.com/cp1/?id=41503&tid=CL121014

It's been a while

So, I know it's been a while, but I became real depressed and didn't feel like spreading that around so I stayed away. I have recently been back off work because of the ankle. The issue that I am having is that it happened to cause problems right after my year in.

I have been back to work as an optician and went full time around this time last year. I love the doctors I work for, they are amazing, and I don't want to let them down. They hired me knowing about my problems and still gave me the chance. They soon seen my passion for my work and rewarded it. This is the first place that ever did that. So I am nervous. This is the type of job I have been looking for. It has a ceiling on money, but it felt like home. If I have to limp away I am going to be pissed! If I am rewarded my disability then I can cut my hours but still work and then work from home too,.....I have found something good,....(see the link below). All while still having more time with Seth, and being able to have energy for the everyday stuff. We'll see.

After PT this morning and an evening dental appointment, this gal has had enough pain for one day!





http://ipasgiveaway.com/?id=41503&tid=BLGR

At The Hospital

Ahhhh, so finally a small break in the weather and look what your eyes got to feast on. The exploding feeling in my leg that has plagued me all week has finally died down with the humidity. I am finding that there are different pains that come with the different weather patterns. I do not like that. Constant change is not a favorite of mine because it has shadowed my life on so many things. I get but small breaks in between each major change and the rebuild process that follows. I figure this is the same for most and it is normal. This change shows that when the humidity is bad my leg feels like it is swelling from the bone and pushes through all the tendons and muscles and tissues through to the skin and when it reaches the skin it is stopped. It builds but doesn’t push through, and only looks slightly swelled from the outside. On the outside is feels ice cold to the touch. When the humidity comes down it returns and isolates to the bone. This is a more focused pain and they are sharper and more like the lighting bolt feeling. Those are the ones that take your breath away but are easier to breathe through. A very large contradiction, but it is what it is. From what I have been told throughout this whole ordeal is that everything depended on how the bone and joint were set after the accident happened. However in my case all that was done “beautifully” and the bone set so well that even on x-rays you can barely see the fracture, which brings me back to the story.

When we got to the hospital it was just your normal procedures and policies getting information and asking questions and having x-rays and pumping pain medications. The people at the hospital were very nice and seemed to be on top of their game. I did not have to wait long before having the x-rays done and being told that I had a fractured Tibia. Now I have always been told that having a bone fractured was worse then having it broke. It weakens the bone and leaves it more susceptible to breaking down the road. So I figured I was screwed right from the get-go. They gave me the option of staying and having an MRI done there or going home and having it done at home. Well, at that point all I wanted was to be somewhere familiar and comfortable, and I do not feel that in a hospital. So they started the release process. They set my leg from the knee down. The guy doing the set had to push on the bottom of my foot to set it properly and that sucked horribly. The pain almost put me out. Once it was set they gave me prescriptions, had me sign some papers and sent me on my way. My ex wheeled us out of the hospital one at a time after stopping to eat in the cafeteria. I called my insurance company as soon as I got outside of the hospital and tried to make a claim, but their computers were down and I would have to try again the next day. We had to wait for my ex's cousin to come back and get us. He went with the van on the flat bed back home and was going to drive back down to get us. When he did arrive it did not feel like long until we were back in our area. I asked to stop and get my prescriptions filled since I knew it would probably be at least a half an hour before I would have them in hand, which we did, and then my ex drove to my house to drop me off so he could take his cousin and his wife back to their car so they could drive another hour back to their area. My ex said it would only take a few to drop them off and then he would be back with my pain medications.

By the time my ex got back from dropping them off two hours had past. I was going in and out from the pain and was pissed. I couldn't go to the bathroom without help, couldn't get up at all without help at that point and I had never felt so helpless in my life. I still felt the drugs in my system, they just weren't working on what they were supposed to be working on. They were simply making me stupid and too weak to move. The pills I was taking my body usually rejected anyway, so I didn't know what was going on in my body. So began my relationship with the doctors.

The Accident

So, I have been having a lot of pain for the last few days. The humidity around here right now is horrible, and my whole right leg feels like it is going to explode. I had some shopping I had to do today and I had to ask the people at the store to load my cart and car for me. I find this terribly embarrassing due to the fact that I am only 33, and was raised to not need anyone,...”I can do it myself!”. And when the pain kicks in, the very thought of having to go out in public and get “the looks” is enough to make me want to cry in shame. So I haven't really been up for doing anything. But instead of sitting on my butt and watching T.V. and being mad about my life, I had to pull out the laptop and finish telling about the accident. Anything to get my mind off the pain and throbbing and feeling sorry for myself. When I left off, we had tried to go around the car when the car moved...

 My ex tried to swerve back out of the other drivers way, but it was too late. We T-boned the other car off into the ditch on the side of the road. Lucky for us the ditch was not one of those six-foot deep, steep ditches that you might imagine. It had a small area that was steep where the the roads met, but then flattened out. We took out two roads signs, and I will never forget the other drivers windows glass exploding in front of us or the rumble of the tires going over the ground we were ripping up. Well, lets face it, I will never forget any little detail of that day. Outside of the accident I was told there were a few people that watched the whole thing, one of which was a woman who was just rear-ended by the same person in the car we just hit.A couple of others that witnessed the accident were two off duty firefighters as well. These men I am still thankful for because they helped the paramedics lift me out of the van and into the ambulance.

  It wasn't long before the ambulance came which meant that one of these people made a call to 911 while watching the accident unfold. Most people would just watch in awe. I would sincerely love to speak to any of these people and get their version of the accident. I know what happened inside the van, I could only imagine what it looked like from outside it. In all honesty I would have probably been like, “whoa,....oh my goodness, is everyone OK?”, and as soon as finding out everyone was alive and OK with only a few bones broke, “that was so cool!” But you always have a different perspective when it actually happens to you. Even in my opinion the pictures look cool because you can tell that the impact was so hard and sudden that the front bumper of the van was lodged into the side of the car when they pried the van off it. 

  The bumper itself was in the place where the middle console of the car was. The passenger side windows had exploded, like I mentioned earlier, and when they did they sent shards of glass into the driver who was now bleeding from many wholes all over the side of his face and body. I don't know how bad the drivers condition was, but he lived, and I was only told that he had no medical problems and had a negative intoxication screen. At the moment of the accident, by what I had watched from inside the van, it looked like the driver was trying to commit suicide, and I was extremely angry that someone that didn't know a thing about us was going to try to use us to end their own life and didn't care enough to even think that he might take us out with him. I have had people in my life who are no longer with us today because of suicide, but they only wanted to hurt themselves, not others, and I have done a lot of research on suicide and understand it to a degree, but could not believe that one of those types of situations was possibly happening to me. Needless to say, I was very angry. I have copies of the police report and compared to what it looked like in the drawing they did as a scaled down visual, it was nothing like the drama that was going on inside the van when it was approaching the car.