It's been a while

So, I know it's been a while, but I became real depressed and didn't feel like spreading that around so I stayed away. I have recently been back off work because of the ankle. The issue that I am having is that it happened to cause problems right after my year in.

I have been back to work as an optician and went full time around this time last year. I love the doctors I work for, they are amazing, and I don't want to let them down. They hired me knowing about my problems and still gave me the chance. They soon seen my passion for my work and rewarded it. This is the first place that ever did that. So I am nervous. This is the type of job I have been looking for. It has a ceiling on money, but it felt like home. If I have to limp away I am going to be pissed! If I am rewarded my disability then I can cut my hours but still work and then work from home too,.....I have found something good,....(see the link below). All while still having more time with Seth, and being able to have energy for the everyday stuff. We'll see.

After PT this morning and an evening dental appointment, this gal has had enough pain for one day!





http://ipasgiveaway.com/?id=41503&tid=BLGR

In My Head

I was dozing in and out of a nap in the front seat of the van. I had my flip-flops off and feet up on the dashboard. I have always heard not to ride this way, but I thought it was for other reasons, not the air bag. So I rationalized doing it because when I sat with my butt all the way to the back of the seat and put up my feet, I did not have to scoot down to get them up there, my knees were extended but relaxed, and I could remain seat-belted. Plus we were in a better vehicle other than a car. I thought I would be fine. One of the times I was more on the awake side of the nap, I noticed a car acting funny in the median up ahead. It was far enough off that by the time we got close to it, it should be gone. So I was not concerned. I closed my eyes again. I couple seconds later I heard something so I opened my eyes again. My ex had watched the car in the median rear-end the car ahead of it and had been reacting to it. I then began to pay more attention and was now wide awake. It was one of those times when you are so close to falling in a deep sleep but then something happens and all of a sudden sleep is the last thing in your head. Like previously mentioned, the highway was two lanes on our side, then a median, and two lanes going the opposite direction. Where we were at on the highway allowed for vehicles to cross over the highway through the median to the other side of the road. This is something we have in Michigan, and that was normal to us. What wasn't normal was how the person in the car was acting in the median when I started paying attention. I watched as they backed out into a lane in the opposite direction, and stayed for a moment and then, just in time to get out of the way of an on coming semi heading in that direction. The car stayed in the median for another moment and then slowly pulled out blocking the left lane in our direction. We were in that lane. My ex being a professional tractor trailer operator; I was sure he had a plan. It didn't matter anyway, to ask him such a question would cause drama. His cousin was asleep on the couch seat in the back of the van and his cousins wife was in the captains seat behind me. As we approached the car I finally asked my ex what he was going to do and the plan was to stay where we were until the last minute and then to swerve around the front of the car. He wanted to wait until the last minute in case the car moved in anticipation of our actions. Because of the way the car was acting prior, we didn't know what to think, so we thought only the worse and hoped for the best. Within seconds my thoughts were all over. First I thought I took my feet down, then I remember having the fight or flight reaction and if wasn't for my seat belt I might have ran to the back of the van, but as I was getting ready to jump I felt the belt and realized I would be flung forward into the windshield if we hit. I turned back around, still seat-belted through all this, and watched as we got closer to the car blocking our route ahead. I knew I had my left foot down for sure because I would not have been able to turn the way I did in my seat if I hadn't. I really thought I had both down. Next I remember looking around and making sure my core was secure then preparing my feet, (so I thought), and then my arms. I tried to remember what I saw on shows about preparing for an accident if you have the time. I bent my arms and tried to relax them to be springy. I hovered them over the dashboard, and made sure not to rest them on there in case the dash came up into the cab. After that thought is when I heard my ex start to yell. Out of the corner of my left eye I saw the other female in the van get up and starting to head for the back of the van yelling for her husband to wake up. Another quick turn of my head and we hit, and I felt her get pushed into the back of my chair. I watched as we pushed the car across the road and down into the ditch. I was still properly in my chair, but remember feeling pushed forward. My hands ended up on the dash, and our windshield stayed intact but I watched both passenger side windows on the car explode, the drivers head snap sideways as his whole body was forced up with impact. I remember the image of the driver as a picture you would see in a drivers education booklet. The person in the picture is shaded gray, and you can see both hands on the wheel. That is what I remember seeing but with shards of glass going into them. When we hit the grass we rumbled over it until we stopped. When we did finally stop the air bags went off and I remember waking up again and looking over at my ex who also looked like was waking up. He asked if I was OK, and at that moment I thought I was. No initial pain, just woozy. I looked around and found my phone. I could feel the hairs starting to crawl up my back,...the signs of shock.

 I wanted to call my brother, since he was closest to the area and was a trained paramedic. I having a lot of background in various forms of medical procedures myself knew I needed to talk to someone to help keep me level so I didn't freak out completely, and my brother was perfect for that. When he answered I informed him first that we had been into an accident and I was going into shock and needed him to keep me calm. One thing my brother and I shared was when there was an emergency we focused very well. This was not one of those times on his behalf. He started asking questions in a frantic way and figuring out how far he was from me, as I told him I already understood that, and wasn't expecting that, I told him I wanted to let someone know who wouldn't freak out and could call my mother. I told him we were alright, but that I had been real scared and needed to be talked down. At that time I did not know I wasn't OK. He continued to talk and ask questions and as he did my ex had already jumped out of the car and was accessing the damage. He walked around to my side of the car and I decided to get out. I remember stepping down and starting to push on the van door which had been impacted so the firefighters that were there pulled on it from out side of the van to get it open for me. And once the van door was open I tried to step down and out of the van when the pain hit. At first it wasn't really anything, but it grew, and grew quickly. It shot up my calf muscle and into the back of my knee. When I looked at my foot the inside of my ankle started to swell and turn black. It reminded me of my feet when I was pregnant. I yelled out and my ex came over and took the phone from me and asked what was wrong. I told him I didn't know but thought it was my ankle and I couldn't step down. He spoke to my brother and informed him of what I had said, and that's when the other female yelled out. She had her foot completely crushed. As it turned out she broke somewhere around 13 bones in the top of her right foot. Both guys in the van walked away with only bruises and scrapes. In a few short minutes the ambulance was on the scene and and there was a female paramedic that was also real good at keeping us calm. Males prefer males, and females prefer females during those times. The paramedics and the firefighters lifted me out on a board that they had slid under me and had to rip the door off in order to have room to do so. They put me in the ambulance and the other female from our party followed. Once we were in the ambulance the paramedics talked to us to keep us awake and calm and warned us about bumps to keep things as lighthearted as possible until we arrived at the hospital. My ex had to stay for a few but soon followed with our purses and important information.  

The Accident

So, I have been having a lot of pain for the last few days. The humidity around here right now is horrible, and my whole right leg feels like it is going to explode. I had some shopping I had to do today and I had to ask the people at the store to load my cart and car for me. I find this terribly embarrassing due to the fact that I am only 33, and was raised to not need anyone,...”I can do it myself!”. And when the pain kicks in, the very thought of having to go out in public and get “the looks” is enough to make me want to cry in shame. So I haven't really been up for doing anything. But instead of sitting on my butt and watching T.V. and being mad about my life, I had to pull out the laptop and finish telling about the accident. Anything to get my mind off the pain and throbbing and feeling sorry for myself. When I left off, we had tried to go around the car when the car moved...

 My ex tried to swerve back out of the other drivers way, but it was too late. We T-boned the other car off into the ditch on the side of the road. Lucky for us the ditch was not one of those six-foot deep, steep ditches that you might imagine. It had a small area that was steep where the the roads met, but then flattened out. We took out two roads signs, and I will never forget the other drivers windows glass exploding in front of us or the rumble of the tires going over the ground we were ripping up. Well, lets face it, I will never forget any little detail of that day. Outside of the accident I was told there were a few people that watched the whole thing, one of which was a woman who was just rear-ended by the same person in the car we just hit.A couple of others that witnessed the accident were two off duty firefighters as well. These men I am still thankful for because they helped the paramedics lift me out of the van and into the ambulance.

  It wasn't long before the ambulance came which meant that one of these people made a call to 911 while watching the accident unfold. Most people would just watch in awe. I would sincerely love to speak to any of these people and get their version of the accident. I know what happened inside the van, I could only imagine what it looked like from outside it. In all honesty I would have probably been like, “whoa,....oh my goodness, is everyone OK?”, and as soon as finding out everyone was alive and OK with only a few bones broke, “that was so cool!” But you always have a different perspective when it actually happens to you. Even in my opinion the pictures look cool because you can tell that the impact was so hard and sudden that the front bumper of the van was lodged into the side of the car when they pried the van off it. 

  The bumper itself was in the place where the middle console of the car was. The passenger side windows had exploded, like I mentioned earlier, and when they did they sent shards of glass into the driver who was now bleeding from many wholes all over the side of his face and body. I don't know how bad the drivers condition was, but he lived, and I was only told that he had no medical problems and had a negative intoxication screen. At the moment of the accident, by what I had watched from inside the van, it looked like the driver was trying to commit suicide, and I was extremely angry that someone that didn't know a thing about us was going to try to use us to end their own life and didn't care enough to even think that he might take us out with him. I have had people in my life who are no longer with us today because of suicide, but they only wanted to hurt themselves, not others, and I have done a lot of research on suicide and understand it to a degree, but could not believe that one of those types of situations was possibly happening to me. Needless to say, I was very angry. I have copies of the police report and compared to what it looked like in the drawing they did as a scaled down visual, it was nothing like the drama that was going on inside the van when it was approaching the car.